Sometimes You Need a Little Help~A Note From Katy
By Katy Agro Myers
That's it, I've had it. The last few months have been filled with stress. I've been hanging on by a thread. I cannot seem to get ahead of anything. The anxiety that goes along with living this way - well, it's getting out of control. A few weeks ago, I started experiencing physical symptoms. Feeling of weight on my chest, shortness of breath, not sleeping, and more. I knew it was time to do something about it. I cannot take care of anyone else if I can't take care of myself. And right now, there are a lot of people in my house that need taking care of.
Monday, I had a hair appointment. Yep, that's self care, but not the kind I'm talking about. I'm blessed that my hair stylist is also a dear friend that I've known since high school. She knows my history, she knows my life. She'll listen without judgement but be the first to call me out if I'm not being honest with myself. It's like the best form of therapy. We had some really heartfelt conversations about where I am right now. About how I feel like I have all this negative energy. You know what she said??? It's been a rough few months and it's OKAY to feel that way. You can feel these things and that doesn't mean you are being negative. And you know what? You don't always have to be positive! It's ok to be negative sometimes too.
I don't know why that never occurred to me.
Tuesday, I saw my primary care physician. After I unloaded everything that has been going on in my life, I said to her, "I just can't manage the anxiety on my own anymore." She said to me, "of course you can't. ALL of what you are feeling is valid. That is a lot."
I left that office with a prescription for anti-anxiety meds and I sat in my car in the parking lot and just cried. I cried with relief. Relief that I have help available to me. Relief that someone listened to me. More than relief though, I felt hope. Not hope that things would get better, but hope that I could maybe, just maybe start to feel a little more in control again.
The rest of this week, I have slowly felt my mindset changing. It hasn't been dramatic, but I'm finding myself looking at the positives again. Maybe my kids' behavior hasn't been perfect, but it's been great. That's a WIN! Maybe I'm not caught up on all my work, but I got a lot done. That's a WIN! Maybe I didn't make a well rounded meal every day this week, but we ate dinner together every night. That's a WIN!
So here I am, on Friday, looking for the wins. Trying to celebrate the small things. Trying to find the positivity again. And all the while, giving myself the permission to not be ok every second of every day. Give grace to yourself today too.